The Self-Edit (Again, but with Sex!)

I can always count on NOW magazine to give me an education. After all, it was in NOW that I first came across the term Christianist. Come to think of it, NOW is the only place I’ve come across the word. In the latest edition, I saw DILF for the first time, the male counterpart to MILF. I thought, wow, I can’t believe I’ve never heard that acronym before — or even come up with it on my own, organically.

Of course, in NOW, the term was used in an ad for a bathhouse aimed at gay males over 35. Heaven forbid we women use the term. Women spend way too much time trying to be desired instead of identifying and acting on their own desires.

In a recent response to an article in the Toronto Sun on one-night stands, a man wrote that it’s widely believed that women have weak sex drives. In tale after tale of youth behaving badly, we read about young women uploading naked photos of themselves or pushing the envelope of decency at drunken parties where things spiral out of control. What we’re witnessing here is the fact that men get off on their desire (which is catered to in the media), and women get off on being desirable. I wonder: are teenaged girls thinking about what they desire for a change? Or are we going to continue to witness the heart-wrenching outcomes of girls gone wild to outdo each other for the all-important male gaze?

I’m not sure if being turned on by being the one desired is the curse of nature, nurture, or a combination of the two. I do know that if everywhere I turned I was bombarded with images of naked male torsos asking me to part with my money, I’d be better primed for sex at a moment’s notice the way men seem to be. Think about it: if you’re a straight male, all-day long the media bombards you with offers of sexual enticement (albeit not often genuine, but who cares!), newspapers publish daily photos of models (SUNshine girl, anyone?), and whole restaurant chains offer scantily (and unfashionably, I might add — yes, Hooters, I’m looking at you) clad, nubile young things to serve you food, all to a degree simply not offered to women in mainstream culture.

My battle cry is this, women: stop the self-edit. Stop the machinations, the contortions, the wild behaviour in desperation of male attention. Start figuring out what you, the real you, desires, and don’t settle until you find it.

For gawd’s sake, feminist movement, you couldn’t do better than managing the status quo with “No means No”  campaigns and slut walks? You thought sexual freedom meant wearing short shorts and being coy? You expected women to keep playing in a rigged game instead of coming out swinging in their own damned game? Guess what, girls, you’ve got real power and real desires, and it’s time you practised using them.


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